Shaking the Dust Off

Why hello, my lovelies.

I am not dead.

That seems like a very good way to start this.

So life over the past six months has been probably some of the craziest to date.
And I am so very very tired.
And so many many things have happened that it would take far too long to explain.

(Besides.  You should never have to explain.  Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.)

I honestly believe exhaustion is the best way to put it.  I feel like I have been running a marathon and I'm finally, finally, able to stop again to catch my breath.  The semester was a whirlwind, but I am confident I'm fianlly where I need to be.  I've made some friends, some of the best I've had in a long time if we're being completely honest.  I started writing again; it's fanfiction, and it's fun, and I can see myself grow as a writer almost daily.

(Even if I am currently on a hiatus because I am so fucking burned out.)

It's winter break.
There's snow and my bones ache.

But I am back.

Thanks for waiting for me, lovely readers.
I won't leaving you hanging again, to the best of my abilities.

~Birdie

I Knit, a Poem

The following is a quick poem I wrote this morning.

I Knit

I knit 

To keep myself sane 

To keep myself going

To keep myself focused when the anxiety feels like it will swallow me whole.

I knit 

To stop myself from eating my emotions 

To stop myself from picking my scabs and acne

To stop myself from screaming in the face of things I can’t control.

I knit

To wrap my loved ones in comfort

To wrap myself in a soothing rhythm

To wrap my world in a type of bubble wrap that keeps things safe.

I knit 

To create 

Calm, love, peace, new starts.  

I knit 

To destroy 

Pain, frustration, ugliness, stress.

I knit 

Because I am.

Breathe in.

Purl two.

Breathe out.

A Word to the Wise

Hey readers.

I know I haven't published on this particular blog in a year, but a concern of mine has brought me out of hiatus to write this warning: at all costs, avoid a user named vividlygeneric.

The backstory:

Vividlygeneric seems incredibly sweet and cute on the front.  And initially, this person seems like someone you want to be friends with.  However, this isn't the case.  As soon as you no longer have anything to offer them, this particular person turns on a whim.

The first case of cyber bullying was when my sister started dating vividlygeneric's brother.  The user got online and whined to her YouTube fans about how "betrayed" she was.  Really?  She basically turned the YouTube sphere against my sister to the point where my once brilliantly creative video making sister quit making videos to avoid being harassed.

But what vividlygeneric has done now takes the fucking cake.

My sister was living with the user's brother.  They were engaged.  My family and I did not get along with the guy (he sent me threatening text messages last summer and I reacted poorly and basically it was a mess), but we recognized that he was the one my sister wanted to be with.  He ended up taking his life and my sister found him.

My sister knew he was depressed, her therapists knew he was depressed, and his therapists knew he was depressed.  My sister, knowing we were going out of town, left him a note of things to do - a list that she believed would keep him alive while we were gone and would give her some extra time with him.  She did the best she could in the situation, and frankly, situations like this have no right answers or solutions; you just have to do the best you can with what you have.

Vividlygeneric is now blaming my sister for his death in very indirect but biting ways.  This is bullying and slander, and if I really wanted to, I suspect  I could get this user blocked on YouTube.  But I don't want to do that.  I just want to warn everyone that this user is toxic and dangerous.

The text messages that this user sent my sister make the ones that I received last summer look like friendly conversation.  Vividlygeneric is dangerous, mean, and out for attention.  They claim to have survived 12 suicide attempts, which in my mind means they need some serious help which they aren't getting.  They are unpredictable.

On all media, this person is known as vividlygeneric.  I am not going to give actual names.  I am not advocating you harass this person or send mean messages to them.  They aren't worth that.

I am advising that everyone avoid them like the plague.  It's really for the best.

~Birdie