The Thursday Anomaly

Hey readers!

I couldn't help myself.  This week there is a Thursday update.

(Consider this a compensation for deleting the Monday post. I'm trying to avoid things like "lol" on here, but just imagine I'm shaking my head and laughing to myself lightly over it. Cause I am.)

Alright, so, couple of things I feel like chatting about today, because I can't get my brain to hold still for the life of me.

(That started last night when I couldn't hold a train of thought long enough to help myself sleep.  You know how it is: you pick something to think about as you fall asleep and it helps you.  Last night, I kept grabbing at the meditations I've been learning, but they kept getting interrupted by random pop songs and writing ideas I'm not gonna get on paper among other things.  At least I kept them away from school stuff.  I even went outside and sat in the wind and grass for an hour before trying to go to bed, hoping to get my brain to Just. Shut. Up. When they say manic days with bipolar feel like a fucking train barreling through your mind, they are not kidding; that is how it is exactly.  I am strung.)

Alright, anyway.

I've started knitting a new shawl and honestly, it's insane.

I've wanted to knit it for a while now, and so for my birthday what feels like a lifetime ago, my parents helped me get the yarn and beads for it.  I bought really nice sock yarn (Dream in Color, Smooshy in the colorway Black Parade - I know, I've been shit talking [not on here] the cycle of emo and scene stuff coming back around, but a little MCR in my yarn can't hurt) and some really nice beads.

It's a good concentration project.  The pattern is 19 pages of charts essentially, and one of those has over 500 stitches across 8 pages.
I've started using a highlighter to help me.  If I highlight a row, I know I need to knit the row above it.
Normally I use sticky notes, but for an eventual 8 page row, that's pretty unrealistic.

I also cut out the yarn overs (the things that make the holes next to the beads) because I think they look tacky in this situation.

So far, the Little Dipper is fully formed and several other constellations are on the rise.

(Get it? Cause constellations rise and set across the sky and - nevermind.)

I would share pictures, but I'm so bad about them. As soon as I finish my current chart, I'm sending some to friends, but otherwise...use your imagination.  It's awesome.

We are on Day Two of Operation Pink Eye.

I found out yesterday that some people have never had pink eye or know what it is.
(I found this out talking to someone on one of my social media sites who thought for a moment I might seriously get hurt from it.)
I think I kind of assumed that everyone was familiar with it, especially with how easily it spreads with kids.
I stand corrected.

So lucky for all of you, I've decided it might be a good idea to explain the process of it.

Basically, pink eye is a virus in your eye.  Now, this sounds gross, and it kind of is.
What happens is your eye gets really irritated and turns bloodshot, aka where the pink portion comes from.  Some people experience itching with it.  For me, my eye just gets sore.  There's watering and crust forms along your eyelash lines as well as the corners of your eyes.

It's gross, but nothing antibiotic eye drops can't handle.

Sometimes though, you get it in one eye, and then almost overnight you get it in the other.
Aka, double pink eye.

That's the beautiful thing I woke up to this morning.

Yay, eye drops.

My husband and I finally made it to the pool yesterday.

Now, let me tell you the saga of the pool.
The pool in our apartment complex opens every year over Memorial Day weekend.  This year, however, someone got the really smart idea that the pool needed repairs.
Which, truthfully, it did.
But this prolonged the pool opening.  Initially it was going to open at the end of June.
It didn't open until about two weeks ago.

Normally, I am a mermaid essentially and am at the pool almost every day.

(Flip side of this is that I've been walking an insane amount to get out of my head since I couldn't get to the water.  Let me tell you, Colorado is full of hills and the two mile loop I do feels like I'm hiking mountains on a bad day - I'm not, for the record, I live in the city.)

And then, the water was freezing when we went the first time.

So we went yesterday and - I swear it was like magic - the water was actually warm enough that we could swim without dying of hypothermia.
It was great.

(I'm still annoyed with how long it took them to do the repairs.  They did our parking lot too, but took more time than expected, so we ended up losing several days of parking. Gotta love summer, I suppose.)

Alright, I could ramble on forever today - I honestly can't sit still - so we should leave it here.
Actually, wait, I lied.

Same person online who never had pink eye sent me this.  Imagine every "HOA board member, I want to speak to a manager, my kid is smarter than yours" white woman you know.

Yeah.
That's Gayle.

Watch it and have a laugh.  It absolutely cracks me up.

Alright, happy Thursday!
~Birdie

The Wednesday Post

Hey readers!

I had a Monday post, but I ended up deleting it.  It was basically me rambling about stuff while in a depressed mood and honestly, I was kind of embarrassed a few hours after posting, so I took it down.

Not a bad thing.
It happens to all of us.
There is a reason one of my English professors said she burned all her journals when her kids were born.
Sometimes, we write shit we feel weird about later.

(I think I'm going to burn my journals too before I have kids.  Too much personal stuff, and embarrassing stuff at that.  I made it through, I don't need the reminders of braces boy, my coming of age, and various depressive spells throughout high school and community college.)

I don't know what to write today, though, to be honest.

It's Wednesday, but it's summer and the days are blurring for me.

I was diagnosed with pink eye and a fever today, which explains a lot about why my eye hurts and keeps watering.  Might also explain my headaches from the past few days.

I got some spiffy eye drops.

I can't remember the last time something like this happened.
I think it was when I was working with a tutoring company back in 2009?
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Kids man.
They spread illness like it's medieval England.

Dunno where I got this one, but I'm glad it's not strep.

I'm realizing school's going to be hell this fall.
The only reason I chose a late class was because I wanted a particular professor.
(She runs ComicCon for my city and is honestly one of my favorite professors.  If anyone can make Milton interesting, I'm betting my semester that it's her.  I'm going to cry otherwise.)
My sister is also coming to school and has a class earlier and later than me.
I volunteered to stay on campus with her because crime rates have gone up and there's no way in hell I'm not going to be there with her after dark.

So I'm going to be on campus for 12 and a half hours twice a week, only in class for about five of those, and the breaks are spread out in such a way that I can't go home and back easily.
Plus field experience twice a week.

Thank god for escapism, complicated knitting projects, and my friends and husband.

Otherwise, I think I might die.

I hate being downtown to begin with.
I hate being there after dark.
I hate the fear of it and the fact that I have yet to figure out a way to get over it.

We'll see how things go.

I think this about sums up things?
Yeah.

Anxiety is still present in my stomach, and I think it will always be there in a little knot, but it's mellowed some.  At least, to the point where I'm back to functioning like a normal person, which thank god for because honestly, it was getting really hard to breathe for a while there.

I've kind of chilled about writing.
I hit that point where I keep hitting a blank wall.
I've tried writing canon characters.
I've tried writing my OCs in the canon and AU verses.
Hell, I tried writing a character for a novel I've had in my head for over two years.

Nothing.

I'm not so much frustrated about it as I am sad.
I didn't realize how much this got me through summer until I couldn't do it anymore.
Maybe a break is good.
But it still makes me sad.

I think I'm trying too hard.
It's supposed to be fun and I'm taking it too seriously.
Learning to relax and go with things is so difficult for me, so it's time to learn, bit by bit.
I live so much by rules...when there are none or I can't make some, it's...I worry I'm doing things wrong.

I'm learning.

Again, like I said at the start of this post, not a bad thing.
It happens to all of us, in different ways.
We learn and grow.

And my eye is stinging again.
I think that's a good place to leave this.
~Birdie