The Wednesday Post

Hey readers!

I had a Monday post, but I ended up deleting it.  It was basically me rambling about stuff while in a depressed mood and honestly, I was kind of embarrassed a few hours after posting, so I took it down.

Not a bad thing.
It happens to all of us.
There is a reason one of my English professors said she burned all her journals when her kids were born.
Sometimes, we write shit we feel weird about later.

(I think I'm going to burn my journals too before I have kids.  Too much personal stuff, and embarrassing stuff at that.  I made it through, I don't need the reminders of braces boy, my coming of age, and various depressive spells throughout high school and community college.)

I don't know what to write today, though, to be honest.

It's Wednesday, but it's summer and the days are blurring for me.

I was diagnosed with pink eye and a fever today, which explains a lot about why my eye hurts and keeps watering.  Might also explain my headaches from the past few days.

I got some spiffy eye drops.

I can't remember the last time something like this happened.
I think it was when I was working with a tutoring company back in 2009?
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Kids man.
They spread illness like it's medieval England.

Dunno where I got this one, but I'm glad it's not strep.

I'm realizing school's going to be hell this fall.
The only reason I chose a late class was because I wanted a particular professor.
(She runs ComicCon for my city and is honestly one of my favorite professors.  If anyone can make Milton interesting, I'm betting my semester that it's her.  I'm going to cry otherwise.)
My sister is also coming to school and has a class earlier and later than me.
I volunteered to stay on campus with her because crime rates have gone up and there's no way in hell I'm not going to be there with her after dark.

So I'm going to be on campus for 12 and a half hours twice a week, only in class for about five of those, and the breaks are spread out in such a way that I can't go home and back easily.
Plus field experience twice a week.

Thank god for escapism, complicated knitting projects, and my friends and husband.

Otherwise, I think I might die.

I hate being downtown to begin with.
I hate being there after dark.
I hate the fear of it and the fact that I have yet to figure out a way to get over it.

We'll see how things go.

I think this about sums up things?
Yeah.

Anxiety is still present in my stomach, and I think it will always be there in a little knot, but it's mellowed some.  At least, to the point where I'm back to functioning like a normal person, which thank god for because honestly, it was getting really hard to breathe for a while there.

I've kind of chilled about writing.
I hit that point where I keep hitting a blank wall.
I've tried writing canon characters.
I've tried writing my OCs in the canon and AU verses.
Hell, I tried writing a character for a novel I've had in my head for over two years.

Nothing.

I'm not so much frustrated about it as I am sad.
I didn't realize how much this got me through summer until I couldn't do it anymore.
Maybe a break is good.
But it still makes me sad.

I think I'm trying too hard.
It's supposed to be fun and I'm taking it too seriously.
Learning to relax and go with things is so difficult for me, so it's time to learn, bit by bit.
I live so much by rules...when there are none or I can't make some, it's...I worry I'm doing things wrong.

I'm learning.

Again, like I said at the start of this post, not a bad thing.
It happens to all of us, in different ways.
We learn and grow.

And my eye is stinging again.
I think that's a good place to leave this.
~Birdie

Yup, It's Strep Again

So I was right this morning, my dear readers.  Somehow, the antibiotics didn't get rid of my strep throat infection from a week and a half ago.  The doctor didn't even have me come in; that's a sign of how bad it was.

Now I'm back on antibiotics and hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.  The one good thing is that I caught it before it escalated to where it was initially.

This worries me though.

In 2012, I was sick nearly every month of the year.  I had repeat strep, repeat sinus infections, yeast infections, and at one point, an ear infection/strep/fever combo like a few weeks ago.  That was also the year I gave myself mild carpal tunnel from knitting too much (I was trying to get a sweater done for my dad for Christmas) and had to give my hands and arms a month long break.

I really don't want to repeat that year.  I don't want to get into a loop of reinfections and weakened immune system.  Not cool.  Not okay with this.

So I'm on a new toothbrush, and in a few days, I'll swap it out.  I'm planning on washing the sheets and blankets this weekend, as well as throwing all snot items (used tissues, old water bottles) out.

Bleh.

And that is your update about the post this morning.  Healing energy would be great if you have any to spare, or just positive thoughts. All are greatly appreciated.  :)

Until the next post, loves.

~Meaghan

6 AM

Hey there, my dear readers.

Right now, it's 6:14 am.  (Don't you just love how I'm updating at strange hours now?  Although, I guess this isn't really that strange.  When I worked bagel hell and retail, both required me to get up between 3 and 4 in the morning...)

Anyway, it's 6 in the morning and I've been up since 4:30.  Why?

My stupid throat.

So a week and a half ago, I had strep throat really bad.  Like, I missed one of my finals and had to make it up because I was so sick.  And at 4:30 this morning, two things happened.

1. I realized I slept for six glorious hours without waking up, which is huge.

And

2. My throat feels almost exactly how it did a week and a half ago.

Which means that even though I've finished my antibiotic, there's a chance it didn't get it all.  This is kind of scary.  I hate being sick, so that sucks.  And I really hate having to go back to the doctor's office.

But more importantly, I spent the night Sunday with my immune deficient friend Dorothy and stayed with her yesterday morning while she was getting her infusion.  This is not good.  I do not want to have exposed her.  Because her immune system is so compromised, even a cold can be bad.

I sent her a text kind of letting her know.  In about an hour, I'm going to have my mom give me a second opinion and then I'm just going to go from there.

Ugh ugh ugh.

I think this whole not sleeping thing is probably not great.  I am thrilled that I slept for six hours, but I really wish I could have slept longer.  I think it will get better when I get used to Trev being out of town; he's been gone a week and won't be back until the middle of next month.  So really, the sooner I get used to that, the better.

Also, I think cutting booze out again for a while might help.  I had a long island iced tea last night and I think that it might be part of the reason I slept for six hours.  But I also think it's the reason I didn't sleep longer.  Alcohol is funny when it mixes with me.  Most people sleep well when they drink.  It usually has the opposite effect in my case; I have a tendency towards sleeplessness when I drink.

Ah well.

And there you have it, early morning rambles.  I may update later depending on how the next few hours go.

~Meaghan

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Hey readers.

Remember me telling you about my friend Dorothy?  How she has to get blood transfusions and felt like there was a shadow over her?  Like she might die?

Well, she's in the hospital right now.

She has meningitis.  We won't know til later today if it's viral or bacterial, but I do know that it is very serious.

She has no immune system.  She is not allowed to have visitors because it's so contagious.  And her parents are coming up from Texas.

That last statement is enough to concern me.

The friend she's staying with is keeping me in the loop, as is Dorothy's husband.  (When he called yesterday, he didn't sound good.  I asked if he needed anything and the first thing he said was "more time".)

It is not lost on me that she entered the hospital the same weekend my grandmother did last year.  Grandma entered on a Friday and died on Easter Monday.  The anniversary is Tuesday, the 1st.

I am sad and afraid.

I do not want this to go bad.

I want her to heal and get better.

Dorothy is one of my best friends.  She introduced me to my fiance, she has always had my back, she's always been a sounding board, she's always helped my family.  Need a ride to the hospital?  Got it.  Need a shoulder to cry on?  Got it.  And so on.

Fucking spring.  I thought I could survive you.  Why this?

So good energy, prayers, and whatever healing vibes you can spare would be appreciated it.  For all of us.

Thank you, readers.

~Meaghan

Change in Plans

So, this was supposed to be a totally awesome week.

It started off well.  Pool time and work and VBS training for next week.  Then boyfriend and I were supposed to go to our mutual friend's house to help her out after she has nose surgery on Wed.  The plan was to hang out for a few days, helping wherever needed, enjoying company and whatnot.

Tuesday night, something awful happened.

I threw up.

I thought maybe I just hadn't had enough water.  That's happened with me before.  And this 5K training makes me drink more than I usually do.  I hoped that maybe I'd just throw up the once and be fine.

Nope.

I began at 9pm and by 2am, I was still throwing up.

I couldn't even keep water down.

So we packed up the car and went to the ER.  The ER is one of those places I keep telling myself I'm going to stop going to.  It's been over two years since I was sick enough to go to one, but still.

I'd really rather not be there.

We were there from 2:30 am til 6 am Wed morning.  They gave me anti-nausea meds and an IV, then sent me on my way with a prescription for more meds and the order to sleep and go easy on foods and liquids.

Stupid stomach bug.

So boyfriend went to our friend's house to help her while I've been at home recovering.

(I never want to throw up ever, ever again.)

The anti-vomiting pills are awesome.  I've been keeping stuff down alright and tonight I was able to eat an actual meal for the first time in like two days.

So yeah.

Stuff's going around, peeps.  Watch yourselves.

~Meaghan