Changes

Hey there, dear readers.

(I'm not even going to address the absence.)

Things are pretty okay in my section of the universe.  I've almost completely re-adjusted to fiance being out of town.  (It's been like what, two and a half weeks?)  I finally am over sleeping with the lights on!  This is huge!  And he'll be home in a week and a half, so I'm pretty happy about that.  :)

I went shopping for a swimsuit last week.  It was not the best thing that has ever happened to me.  See, I'm not exactly a small girl.  Rather, I was a big girl to begin with and then I went and gained an extra 40 or 50 pounds the past few years.  And it was kind of brought to my attention when Wal-Mart didn't carry a suit large enough for me.

I ended up at JCPenney's (not the store I worked at a few years ago; I will never, ever go back to that hellhole) and got a cute suit that was also on sale.  While there, I found this dress I liked and decided to try it on for a confidence boost.  It fit wonderfully and I thought I looked pretty good.  My mom was with me and told me it slimmed me down and looked good.  So I had her take a picture of me in it.

Um.

I didn't realize how heavy I was until I looked at that picture.

Now, before anyone gets mad at me for feeling bad about my weight, let me explain some things.  I am nearly 24 years old.  I have a low thyroid, high cholesterol, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, and a family history of heart attacks, hardened arteries, and diabetes.  Some times, I stop breathing in my sleep and wake myself up.

I am basically a walking time bomb.  I needed a wake up call.

You would think the diagnosis of liver disease would do it.  But it took looking at a picture of myself in a dress that I thought was cute to realize how bad I've let things go.  This isn't to say that I'm a slob or anything - I shower regularly, I dress well, I carry myself well.  I just had a lot of setbacks the past few years that have caused me to gain a crazy amount of weight.

What happened over the weekend was I realized that I am getting married in less than a year and I do not want to look like that in my wedding pictures.

So I'm using a program on my phone that I've used before (and it works, I just chose not to stay with it last time) called My Fitness Pal.  Basically, it tracks my calorie consumption.  I'm on 1340 calories a day; when I exercise, I gain back calories.

In a week, I've lost 6 pounds.  I think those are probably from cutting soda out of my life and flushing my body with water (I never drink enough water) and I expect it to slow down.  But if I could be down 20 pounds by August, when I go dress shopping, that would be amazing.  The goal is to be down a total of 40 to 50 pounds by my wedding in May.  That puts me at a weight that is still high for me, but is healthier than where I am.  It also is where I was when I met my fiance back in 2011.

So that's life for me now.  It really is a lifestyle change.  I plan on staying with it and I am hoping it works.  I'm also praying a lot, and I feel rather confident that whoever is watching me up there is going to help me out too.

On top of all this, my family is in the process of moving from one apartment to another across town.  This is a positive move, as it means I'll be able to walk to catch the train in the mornings for school.  It's also positive for the whole family because there are so many places to walk to around the new complex.  There are two grocery stores, several restaurants, a movie theater, and an ice cream place, to name a few.  So I think we're all pretty excited.

But seriously, moving is hard work.  And it's difficult without my fiance, who is awesome at packing and heavy lifting.  As he keeps reassuring me on the phone, it will be okay.  We will get it done.  And I believe him.

It's still a lot though.

And that is your lovely update. :) I'm off to pack a box before bed.

~Meaghan