I Might Be a Bit Strange Today

But that is okay, my dear readers.  I have literally been drinking since 2 pm today.  So nearly five hours of wine and beer.

Why?

Because my little sister turned 21 today.

Ask me how this makes me feel.

Anyway.

It's been a pretty good day.  Lots of wine, lots of beer, lots of food and fun.  If this blog seems disjointed, we can safely say it's because I don't drink too often due to money and liver.  So tolerance is low.

I stayed over at my friend Dorothy's last night so I could help with her infusion today.  She has cable at the home she's at (she's living with another friend at this point, and it's a pretty great situation that's allowing her to heal) and so I got her hooked on that show I discovered via Netflix, Freakshow.

Can I just take a moment to express how awesome it was to get her into it?

We watched all of season 2 that's been shown so far.  We both love Asia, Morgue, and Creature.  It was really fun.  The best part was when Morgue drilled a screw into his nasal cavity.  I love watching that kind of stuff, so I was pretty engrossed.  From beside me on the couch, I heard Dorothy go "Oh Morgue, don't..." and when I looked over, she had her face in her hands.

It was hilarious; Dorothy is one of these people who isn't afraid of blood and needles and whatever else, but this freaked her out a bit.

I am pleased to report that her infusion went well this morning.  The friend she's staying with was out of town with family, so that's why I was asked to come over.  Dorothy has been doing a lot better lately.  The icky shadow of death has finally lifted.  While she's over her meningitis, it's changed her headaches so that they are now full spinal and she's been told that those won't ever go away, which sucks.

But over all, she's doing well and I am glad.

The sleep over was interesting.  I haven't been sleeping well since Trev's been out of town (which has only been a week - three more to go) and I really don't sleep well in unfamiliar places.  So I had the weather channel on and was watching stuff about tornadoes until 4 am.

The fun part about it was that there is a goldfish tank at the end of the couch where I was sleeping.  At 4 am, I discovered that I could lure all the goldfish to my corner of the tank with my foot.  It think it was the fact that I was wearing my atom socks and the neon green was luring them in.  It felt like I was hypnotizing the goldfish.

At that point, I decided I should try to sleep.

My sister, Katie, has had a pretty good day, drinking and hanging out with family.  Her fiance also came with her for the day.  (I'm still trying to come to terms with that, but it's for a different blog.)  Mom grilled and we had angel food cake.  I gave her a pair of socks I made her and some shooters, which she did while I was trying to take a nap.

(The sleep never came.  I am literally at this point running off booze, sugar, and about three and a half hours of sleep.)

Katie brought Rock Band over, so we played that for a bit.  Now she's just hanging out with her fiance and my parents, which is good.  I love my sister a ton.  She's one of my best friends and I feel so thankful to have her in my life.  We're going to be taking her to dinner shortly.

Speaking of which, I have just been informed that I need to get ready to go.

Have a really great night and a great rest of your holiday, my dear readers.  Until the next time.

~Meaghan

A Wild Blog Post Appears

Hey there, my dear readers.

I was going to put in an extra Pokemon joke about using something and it being highly effective, but I am too sleep deprived at the moment to do so.

I finally finished my semester.  I got major sick the week of finals.  I went in to see the doctor that Wed and had strep throat, an ear infection, and a fever of 102 degrees F.  I had to miss my stats final due to it and make it up last Monday.

And even with wanting to set the entire place on fire, even with all the whining and angst and awful professors, I somehow managed to pass everything.  My lowest grade was in Chemistry (big surprise there) and it was a C.

I know.

I was (and am) completely shocked.

But it's over and I'm on summer break now.  And when I go back, it's all English and Lit classes with a math class for educators.

I can't wait to become a teacher.  What better way to change the way things are?  Children are the future; it's time to teach them to think for themselves.  I'm excited to do that, one class of 8th graders at a time.

Trev is out of town.  I always forget how hard it is to adjust to him being gone.  The bed feels weird on his side.  I've actually put a ton of my stuff over there to fill the space.  And it's strange not having him here when I come home and what not.  It's just me and mom most nights, with dad home when he's not working.

To top it off, we've had an insane amount of weather around here.  There have been tornado warnings every day this week; at one point, five touched down by where my little sis goes to school.  She had to take cover.  Dad also had to take cover at one point this week at work.

So with Trev being out of town and the weather being so nuts, my sleep has become weird.  As I type this, it's nearly 1 am.  I'm normally, when Trev is home and everything is calm, asleep by 11 at the very latest.  And get this - I slept til 10 this morning.

(I guess that's technically yesterday morning...)

Everything is off.  Depression is making itself very well known again, which drives me crazy.  I didn't forget you, depression.  Nor did I forget your cousin, anxiety, who I am sure will be making a visit at some point again.

So what am I to do?

I've been watching a ridiculous amount of Netflix, actually.  I discovered this show on there I really like called FreakShow.  It follows this group of people who work at the Venice Beach FreakShow and it's amazing.  One of the guys on there deals with social anxiety, which I can totally relate to.  It's just awesome - everything has meaning and you get to see some seriously sick acts.

(I feel so ridiculous struggling to swallow pills after watching what they swallow...)

I watched the entire first season of the show (which is all Netflix has for now) in two days and have basically rewatched it since.

This is probably not good.

The other thing I did this week was make my own set of runes.

I have a set that I carry around in a knitted bag.  They are my first set that I got at the bookstore to learn about rune throwing and how everything works.  I love reading runes and it's pretty accurate, so I decided to make my own personalized set.

They are pretty cool.  I made them from clay and a paint pen.  I also got a wooden box to carry them in that I decorated.  The colors are, interestingly enough, our future wedding colors: emerald green and gold.

I really do like how they turned out.  And they are really good for my readings.  My goal is to get to a place where I'm spot on with my runes and can maybe turn them into something to do for profit.  We'll see.  I'm also developing an interest in tarot, but we'll have to see if I decide to go into it as well.  It could turn out that runes are enough.

For now, though, I love them and I love doing readings with them.  :)

Alright, my readers.  I am losing my ability to type well.  I think this means I need to try to sleep.

Be good to each other; I'll try to come back soon.

~Meaghan

So I Joined This Thing

Today is an interesting day.  My period from hell is here and so I skipped school to stay at home and rest.

I'm now going to use this resting at home with icky feels as a time to tell you guys about this thing I joined.

It's called Hogwarts is Here and it's found here.  It's neat.  It's this online, free thing based on the Harry Potter book series.

Basically, you can register for and take these online classes that are based on the stuff taught at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  It's really neat.

I'm in Ravenclaw and I'm only taking two courses due to my muggle education.  (That's the deal; real college comes first, always.)  I'm in Herbology (which I'm pretty sure I just messed up the midterm for) and Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The classes are similar to the ones I'm paying to take at my university in that there are essays and tests.  I'm learning I actually should start taking notes for them.  Which I'll probably do over the summer.

What I really like is that you don't have to take courses to be a student.  You can just hang out if you want.  And when you take courses, it's basically on your own time.  Like, I can pick and choose how many I take.  This means it doesn't mess with real school and it gives me a way to keep my brain sharp during the summer.

Anyway, you guys should check it out.  I'm on there under Birdie Corvus and as I said before, I picked Ravenclaw.  I just started a dorm, so if you want to join a dorm in Ravenclaw, it's 20549. :)

And now, I'm off to lay down with Netflix.

~Meaghan

Oh Hey, It's May

And apparently it's been May for five days (in the U.S.) now.

Huh.

I only have seven more days of classes, and four of those are finals.  Oh.  And I might not have a final on one of those days.

So actually, I only have six more days of school.

Yayayayayayayay!!!!!!!

At my university, they make use do these teacher evaluations.  We had them at community college too, but there they were online and optional.  Here at the grown up school (they serve beer on campus, so this must be a big girl school) they pass them out in class and make us fill them out with pencil.

This is only my second semester here.  My reviews are usually pretty positive.  Like, I'll mention something that bugs me and follow it up with ideas for improvement and something nice to say about the teacher.  That sort of thing.

Not today.

Today I was pissed.

I wasn't even upset when I started my evaluation of the class and teacher.  Honest.  But by the time I finished, my handwriting was a wreck, my hands were shaking, and I was ready to hurt someone.  I was still fuming about it when my dad picked me up at the train station (we only have one car, so it works better that way) and when I got home to mom and fiance.

My chemistry class sucks.

I don't even know how to put a positive spin on this except that it was a learning experience and it made me really evaluate what I'm doing with my life.  Hence, my degree change.

The teacher is a researcher at heart and has so much trouble explaining everything.  The homework is due, but to date we have only gotten one homework assignment graded and handed back to us.  I stopped doing the homework because it doesn't matter apparently.  Oh, and the stuff covered by the homework isn't on the tests, so good luck there.

I studied for my test last Monday for an hour, because that is what I had.  I reviewed everything he told us would be important for this test.  And you know what?  Out of the entire test (which was essay, btw - I normally like essay, but for chemistry??), I think there was one question that was covered by what he told us to study.

I kind of let everyone have it on my review.

I told them it felt like a weed out class (where the curriculum is designed to make the students fail) even though it's a general requirement for all the science degrees at my university.  And then I basically told them to fuck themselves by saying it worked and that I had changed my degree because of it.

Ugh.

Writing this has me worked up again.  Damn.

Well, happy thought time.  Summer, pool, swimming every day, birthday, etc.

Alright, parents have shown up with food.  Time to eat dinner and get ready for another exciting day of things.

Goodnight, dear readers.  Goodnight.

~Meaghan

I Have Finals Brain

And finals aren't for another two weeks.

Good lord, I am so done.

I can't even remember the last time I updated this.  Was it this month?  I'm pretty sure I updated earlier this month.  Right?

So, let's assume I didn't.  Here is a bullet point of my life at the moment:

~I no longer want to punch Owen Wilson in the face (I saw Zoolander with fiance and it was hilarious.  Refer to this post if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

~I've been officially accepted into the education program at school, which means I'll be able to start taking education classes as soon as I finish my English core requirements (hurrah for teaching English to middle and high schoolers!)

~I feel infinitely better about college than I have in ages it seems

~Three year anniversary with fiance is approaching.  We've made a deal not to get presents for each other but rather to take ourselves to a nice lunch courtesy of our change jar and then go to the park and feed the ducks.

~Three weeks left of school and I don't even care anymore.

~I had a dream that Tom Hiddleston, the British actor who is Loki in the Avengers and is also in this other show I've discovered (Wallander, if anyone is curious - it's a great Swedish cop show), was at Subway with me.  He was completely polite and kept asking me what was good on the menu.  Dream me was like "Dude, I don't know, I order the same stuff almost every time" and didn't think it odd that he had never been to Subway.

~I've started roller skating lessons.  They are hard and great workouts.  I'm like the oldest one in my group but I don't care.  (I did at first, but now I'm enjoying myself too much to.)  I don't know if I want to eventually do derby or if I'm happy just skating.  We'll see as time plays out.

~I'm really excited to not work this summer.  I think this is the first summer I'll have had off since 2008.  I'm going nuts thinking of all the stuff I'm going to accomplish.

~Which also includes wedding planning.  That kicks up soon.  I'm back to looking at bridal magazines, which is a positive step.  (When I was super stressed out for that period of time earlier this semester, I couldn't even think about getting married.  I didn't even want to do cuddle or spend time with fiance.  He was so awesome about the whole thing - yet another reason why I'm marrying that boy.)

And I know there is more but I slept crappy last night and I'm tired and brain fried from studying for a chemistry test tomorrow and yeah.

All I want is to cuddle up with Netflix (which I finally caved and got a few weeks ago) and watch some comedies or something.

I haven't forgotten you, dear readers.  When I get my head out from the sand, I will return.

Be good to yourselves.

~Meaghan

(And I totally typed that with a British accent in my head, due to watching too much BBC.  Awesome.)

It Isn't College Until You Change Your Major

Hey there, my dear readers.

I mentioned on Facebook the other day that I was changing my major.  "It's not college until you change your major", I wrote with sincerity.  When a friend of mine mentioned that her daughter, a freshman in college, really needed to hear that, I realized that this is something a lot of young people (myself included) struggle with.

I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions about college.  Like how you're supposed to know what you want to be when you grow up at the time you send in the applications.  Like how you have to go immediately after high school, and how you have to go straight through.  How you have to have a degree to get a good job.  Things like that.  Just preconceived notions that no one really says out loud but that are somehow assumed.

At least, they have been in my case.  Maybe your college career is textbook: graduate high school, know what you want, go to college, graduate in four years, and get the job you've worked for.  I know people that this has happened almost perfectly for.  And there is nothing wrong with that. :)

But for most of us, the path is a lot more confusing.

So this post is for you, my graduating high school seniors and my young folks in upper level education.  Listen close, and take to heart.

College is messy.

Allow me to tell you my story.  It's kind of long, so bear with me.

I am nearly 24 years old and in my fourth year of college.  My path has been pretty sloppy, if I may say so myself.  And I don't say that in a bad way, by the way.  I wouldn't change it.  It just doesn't fit the norm.  (But really, what is normal, anyway?)

In high school, I was homeschooled.  I graduated when I was 18 like most people.  Honestly, I didn't know what I wanted to do.  Did I want to go to college?  Did I want to work?  Did I want to take road trips?  The questions were endless.

So when my friends were filling out their college apps, I decided to take some time for myself.  I didn't apply to any schools.  Instead, I got a job.  I worked at a Sylvan Learning Center as a student aid.  It was probably the best job I've ever had.  I was exposed to education, I was able to read and relax, I got to work with adults who respected me, I got to play with kids, and I made money.  This gave me a taste of being self sufficient and gave me a chance to figure out what I wanted to do.

Now, people mean well.  But this - working and not going directly from high school to college - is not a conventional path.  At the onset of making my choice, I got a lot of flack from people who didn't know me or my situation.  They criticized my parents for "allowing" me to take time off in my education and they criticized me.  "If you don't go now, you'll never go," they warned.  I stuck to it, though, and I'm really thankful I did.

When I was 19, I enrolled in community college.  The gap year I took helped me realize that I wanted to go to school.  Because I was 100% sure I wanted to go and because I had the means to pay for it myself, I worked harder for my grades and got more out of my experience than I think I would have if I had gone directly from high school to college.  I owned my education.  It was (and is) mine.

(This has lasted with me up until today.  Even though I currently do not work, I still own my education.  No one can take it from me, and that is empowering.  Remember that: what you learn and do is yours.  No one can ever take it away from you.)

I originally was a Biology major.  I wanted to teach high school bio and so an Associates of Science was what I started with.  But by the middle of my second semester, I was miserable.  I didn't enjoy my college biology class, and the math I was taking didn't make sense.  In fact, the classes that I did like were the ones I had taken the previous semester: English and Intro to Literature.

So I changed in the middle of the spring semester to an Associates of Arts.

At this time, I wanted a change.  I had been working at Sylvan for two years, and decided to try something new.  That summer, I left Sylvan and went to work for the Einstein's Bagels across the street for what sounded like a promising opportunity.  It was horrible.  The hours made me cry, the work was alright but stressful, and the people weren't the supportive type that I had become used to while at Sylvan.

A few weeks into my fall semester, I couldn't take it any more.  My family had a meeting, and my parents assured me they would not think less of me if I quit and focused on school.  So I did. I decided to not work for a while.  I took out loans, but it worked in my advantage.  I was able to take a full semester of classes that seemed interesting to me.  One of them was Introduction to Creative Writing, and something clicked.  This was a class I loved and something I wanted to do.

So I changed (I guess they call it "modifying", but in my mind it's changing) from Arts to Creative Writing.

In the two years that it took me to finish my Associates in Creative Writing (for a three year total at the community level), things began to happen in my life.  I met a boyfriend (who is now my fiance), I started working a weekend job passing out samples at the grocery store (which I kept up until this current semester), I joined the honor society at school and took on a leadership position, and I wrote constantly.

Until the semester before I graduated, I was pretty happy with things.

At some point towards the end of my degree, I started getting asked what I was going to do when I graduated.  More specifically, I was getting all sorts of advice about becoming an English teacher and going on to get my Bachelor's.

But at this point, I wasn't sure what I wanted.  School was good, but I was beginning to feel burned out.  And there were a lot of stresses in my life that I couldn't control that were wearing me out.

So when I graduated in 2012, I chose to work retail for a while.  "Maybe," I thought, "I'll just work retail for a few years and then get married and that'll be that."  This was much to the disappointment of many of my teachers and some of my friends, who insisted I was going to get bored.

Looking back, I can see where they are coming from.  But honestly, I know how I am.  I needed that time off to help me find my footing again.

I worked the summer of 2012 at J. C. Penny's while still maintaining my weekend job at the grocery store.  It was a living nightmare.  I was irritable and sad and my anxiety attacks (something I developed during my time at community college) were coming more and more frequently.  I quit JCP four months after working there and tried something new.  I taught violin lessons and opened my own Etsy store.  I went for walks.  I wrote.

And then I decided to go back to college.

  I had the papers filled out, got accepted, and was in the process of registering for classes when the chaos of last spring hit.  I think I've blogged enough about that; all I'm going to say here is that going back to school helped me keep my sanity.

When I went back to college (this time a four year university while still living at home), I was originally enrolled as an Environmental Science major.  My associates transferred in, but I still had a lot to do.  Last semester wasn't too bad.  I took Bio II with a lab, Intro to Environmental Science, and a few other classes.  They were all very interesting.

But as I've struggled through this current semester, I've done some soul searching.  My teachers and friends were right - teaching is in my blood.  Within the past three days, I've changed my major yet again to one I'm planning on staying with.  I am now an English major with a concentration and minor in Secondary Education.

And if that isn't a total change, I don't know what is.

Total degrees I've changed or registered for: 5

Total job changes since high school: 4

I know this post is long, but hang with me just a little longer.

It doesn't matter what anyone says.  Only you know yourself.  This is your path, not anyone else's.  And no matter how you do it, you own it.

Work.  Don't work.

Take a gap year.  Or go directly to.

Change your major several times until you find one that fits you.

If college doesn't work for you, don't feel bad at dropping or taking time away from it.  No education is wasted.

Graduate with something that makes you happy; the jobs will follow.  And know that if you decide not to use your degree, that's fine.

This life, this journey, is yours.  I think that's something that often gets left out or over looked.  Own it. Don't let others dictate your experiences.  Don't let others tell you you're wrong.  And always do what makes you feel good, what interests you.

This is your time to come into your own.  You aren't alone.

~Meaghan

Things Are Looking Up

Hey there, readers!  Long time, yeah?

This is a list post.  Things are looking up, but a lot has happened, so a list seems best.

(Also because I have a stats test I really need to study for and lists are faster than paragraphs.)

~Dorothy got to leave the hospital yesterday (Yay! Thank you for all your good vibes!)

~I changed my major

~I am now English with Secondary Education, which means I will be able to graduate sooner and teach middle through high school

~I am a lot happier now than I was

~I've been learning to read runes, which is awesome and accurate

~I've been exploring my faith

~I'm happy again with my relationships

~We made it through my grandma's anniversary without any major trouble

~Life is generally good

And once I pass my test tomorrow, I will give you a nice update from school.

Until the morrow,

~Meaghan