Hi There

I realize I have skipped all of May, part of April, and part of June.  It's just, things got so messy and I became so focused on trying to piece it back together that I forgot about you, my dear blog.

So let's start fresh.

I have started a yarn group.  We're meeting tonight for the first time, and I am very hopeful.  It's something I've wanted for a while but never had the courage to start until now.

(This is the power of a good therapist, good anti-depressants, and good chocolate. :) )

I have been knitting again, although it hasn't been with the fever pitch it had been before.  It's not that I don't love my knitting any less.  It's just that I've become more moderate about it.  I'm finding a balance in all things.  Letter writing, card making, knitting, counted cross stitch, exercise, reading - I'm trying to find time for it all.

 And over all, I feel better.

Better than I have in a very, very long time actually.

It's amazing how when you're depressed, you don't realize that you aren't living.  You just know you have to get up each morning and do whatever has to be done.  You are in this haze and everything hurts and everything is numb at the same time.

And it took my sister landing in the hospital back in the later part of April for her own depression that forced me to look at mine.

I won't lie to you, readers.  I still get anxious with social interactions and with the occasional trigger.  I still cry.

But I'm not curled up in a ball, wondering what's wrong with me as I cry uncontrollably.  I'm not getting up each morning to do nothing.

So many positive changes are happening.  The yarn group is just the beginning.

I've signed up to do a 5K in August with my sister.  It's this one and it looks incredible.  I've never been super athletic, let alone run before.  So this is huge.  I've been training for two weeks now.  I can now do half a mile in under ten minutes.  That doesn't sound like a lot, but for me it is.  My goal is to be at a ten minute mile by the end of the month.

I've been reading again for the first time in so long.  The Game of Thrones book series is amazing.  I'm not a huge fantasy person, but I just can't get enough of it.  I'm in the midst of "A Clash of Kings" at the moment.  I'm also reading some really good zombie fiction. :)

Today my sister and I are going out.  We're going to get some pho and I'm getting a pedicure and acrylic nails, something I've wanted for a very long time.  It feels selfish to me, but I've been assured that it's not. It's important to take care of me.  And that's something that's just going to take time for me to learn.

Rest assured, boyfriend and parents are also doing well.  Things seem to be running pretty smoothly with only minor bumps along the way.  And for that, I am grateful.

I won't leave again for so long, my readers.  Thank you for hanging with me. :)

~Meaghan