Chocolate and Alpaca Lace

I am stressed, my readers.

Boyfriend has been gone for two weeks and won't be back for another two weeks.  Plus, he hasn't answered his phone in like two days.  So I'm a little worried.  I know he's safe with family and I know this isn't like Boulder, but still.

I'm his girlfriend.

I'm also Cancer the Crab.

I get worried.

August is looking to be stressful and even though it hasn't started, I'm ready for it to be done. 

School starts the 19th, but financial aid won't go through until the 8th.  And since this school is different than my last college experience, I have to wait until the aid is done being processed to get my books.  So I'm looking at getting my books, I.D., and RTD pass the week before school starts.

Usually, I've already bought them by now.

The 5K is coming up.  I'm nervous.  I've never done anything like this before.  Today, I did an hour on the treadmill in preparation.  I don't anticipate going super fast, but I am, based on today, expecting to be done in about an hour.

My mom's brother (who is a little out there and has recently stressed us out) is coming to visit with my cousin.  My cousin and I got along beautifully the last time she was here.  My uncle... I've only met him once.  He and my mom only recently reconnected.

So we're all pretty stressed about that.

I was up until 3am today, trying to get the knot of panic out of my chest that had formed.

So.

Stressed.

Out.

Dad says my grandma had this saying about worry: "Worry is like a rocking chair.  It only takes you back and forth, never really going anywhere."

So true. 

My anxiety combating skills are coming into play at this point.

I'm going to school with my sister tomorrow to find my classes and buildings.

One day at a time.

Today, after I finish this post, I intend to knit and relax.

This involves really good dark chocolate with raspberries in it and baby alpaca, knit into lace.

The yarn is awesome.  When boyfriend was at Boulder, before his depression worsened and all the bad stuff happened, I went to visit him for a weekend.  It was lovely.  We slept in, ate pasta and ice cream at the Pearl Street mall, watched movies all night, and just generally relaxed.

While we were there, we went to a yarn store.  I found this beautiful Alpaca Lace by Cascade Yarn in blues and greens.  I had always wanted to try alpaca yarn, but usually couldn't afford it.  This to me was the holy grail of yarn. 

Boyfriend bought it for me.

I was in love.

And then everything happened.  Like, a near break up due to boyfriend's depression and contemplation of suicide.  Boyfriend breaking ties with his dad.  Boyfriend moving in.

Suddenly, the yarn was unknittable.  I couldn't look at it without feeling the desperation and strain from those few months.  I buried it in the yarn stash.

It's been a year and a half since then.  Boyfriend and I still have ups and downs, but over all, I think things are better.  He's finally going to counseling, and things are going to be alright.

So I can knit with the alpaca.

It's heaven.  Total bliss.

And knitting a lace pattern really helps my anxiety, I'm discovering.

When then next two weeks are over, I predict I will have a new scarf.

Anyway.

Chocolate and alpaca lace.

What more do I need?

~Meaghan