Damned if They Do

And damned if they don't.

Well, readers, I know my absence has been incredibly long this round.  But for once, I really do have a good reason.

I have to get my liver biopsied this week.

I can't remember if I've blogged about this.  I've been trying to keep this stuff under wraps.  But here it is.

So, back in July, I went to my doctor's for help with an incredibly stubborn migraine.  While I was there, she noticed that I hadn't had blood work done in over a year.  So some routine blood was taken and I was on my way with my migraine meds.

A week later, I get a phone call.  My liver enzymes were elevated pretty high.  Normal liver enzymes are between like 40 and 60.  Mine were over 200.  Thinking it might be because I had gotten drunk for my birthday the week before and the fact that my migraine meds are Tylenol derivatives, my doctor had me lay off everything for a few weeks and then come in for more blood tests.

So I got more blood taken like two weeks later.

Liver still elevated.  Also, a diagnosis of low thyroid.  Went on a pill for that.  Started going off my antidepressant at the time.  Waited a few weeks.

More blood work.

Liver still elevated around 200.

Get completely off my antidepressant.

More blood work.

Liver still 200.

Good news, though.  My thyroid now looks normal.

Went in for an ultra sound of my liver, gall bladder, and kidney.

All look normal.  Like, my liver doesn't even look fatty.

Went off my birth control pill.

More blood work.

Liver still elevated.

Still around 200.

So finally, we were out of town in January, visiting my relatives for the first time since my grandma died last year (which was incredibly stressful on it's own, let me tell you) when the doctor called again.

I got sent to a specialist.

And so two weeks ago, I had yet one more round of blood tests for the specialist, including testing for autoimmune disorders like Celiac disease and lupis.

All negative.

Which leads us to last week, when the specialist called while I was in class and left me a message, telling me I need to get a liver biopsy.

Friday is doomsday.

I am not looking forward to the procedure.  I am not looking forward to the fact that I am going to basically be on bed rest for the weekend.  I am not looking forward to not being able to carry a backpack to school the following week.

I am looking forward to finally getting some answers.  I am grateful to live in a place where I can actually get this sort of thing taken care of.  I am thankful that it probably won't turn out to be something incredibly scary (I'm looking at you, cancer), although the fear in my head keeps trying to psych me out about it.

Have I mentioned I'm only 23?  That I'm a full time college student?  That I'm also getting married next year?

Seriously.  I have enough stress.

So where does this leave us?

I just want answers and something fixable.  This has been going on for seven months.

Truthfully, I'm scared to death.  The procedure is scary to me.  I have to be awake for it.  They're taking a bit of my liver through my ribcage.  Completely freaks me out.

And I'm scared about what it could be.  Maybe it'll be something simple, like my thyroid affecting things and the fact that I'm overweight.  I'm trying to lose weight anyway.  I eat pretty well over all.  If it's something else, I don't know what I'll do.  I feel so young.  I don't want to deal with this kind of crap.

But I can't think about it beyond this, either.  I just can't.

And that's where I've been, my readers.

I will try to stay with you.  I will try to be present.

Thank you eternally for your patience.

~Meaghan