Hello my dear readers.
This week has been chaos. Complete chaos. But good chaos.
My mom's brother, who I am basically meeting for the first time in my life, and his daughter (who came out to visit last summer - we adore her to pieces), and his daughter's boyfriend came to visit this week. It's been a lot of busy, a lot of catching up, a lot of laughter, a lot of neurotic behavior. So awesome.
And so exhausting.
Boyfriend comes home tomorrow night, late. He is ready to be home. I am ready for him to be home. There's nothing like being apart for over a month to make you realize how much you truly care about them. And to remind you that you can make time for yourself and it doesn't make you a crappy partner. So the distance has been good.
But it's going to be great to have him home tomorrow.
Saturday is when our company leaves and when sis and I do the 5K. I am...nervous? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to run it. I've missed a lot of training due to illness and chaos. But I should be able to walk it at least.
School for all of us starts on Monday. I am so ready. I am craving school for some reason. It's going to be a very busy semester, but it's going to be so good. Bring it on, school, bring it on.
Today is like an island in the chaos. Visitors are camping in the mountains today and tomorrow. Everything is basically caught up here on the home range. It's about to rain. I'm so used to being busy that I can't sit still. I think I want to knit, but none of my projects are calling me....
Maybe I'll go for a walk.
~Meaghan
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Chocolate and Alpaca Lace
I am stressed, my readers.
Boyfriend has been gone for two weeks and won't be back for another two weeks. Plus, he hasn't answered his phone in like two days. So I'm a little worried. I know he's safe with family and I know this isn't like Boulder, but still.
I'm his girlfriend.
I'm also Cancer the Crab.
I get worried.
August is looking to be stressful and even though it hasn't started, I'm ready for it to be done.
School starts the 19th, but financial aid won't go through until the 8th. And since this school is different than my last college experience, I have to wait until the aid is done being processed to get my books. So I'm looking at getting my books, I.D., and RTD pass the week before school starts.
Usually, I've already bought them by now.
The 5K is coming up. I'm nervous. I've never done anything like this before. Today, I did an hour on the treadmill in preparation. I don't anticipate going super fast, but I am, based on today, expecting to be done in about an hour.
My mom's brother (who is a little out there and has recently stressed us out) is coming to visit with my cousin. My cousin and I got along beautifully the last time she was here. My uncle... I've only met him once. He and my mom only recently reconnected.
So we're all pretty stressed about that.
I was up until 3am today, trying to get the knot of panic out of my chest that had formed.
So.
Stressed.
Out.
Dad says my grandma had this saying about worry: "Worry is like a rocking chair. It only takes you back and forth, never really going anywhere."
So true.
My anxiety combating skills are coming into play at this point.
I'm going to school with my sister tomorrow to find my classes and buildings.
One day at a time.
Today, after I finish this post, I intend to knit and relax.
This involves really good dark chocolate with raspberries in it and baby alpaca, knit into lace.
The yarn is awesome. When boyfriend was at Boulder, before his depression worsened and all the bad stuff happened, I went to visit him for a weekend. It was lovely. We slept in, ate pasta and ice cream at the Pearl Street mall, watched movies all night, and just generally relaxed.
While we were there, we went to a yarn store. I found this beautiful Alpaca Lace by Cascade Yarn in blues and greens. I had always wanted to try alpaca yarn, but usually couldn't afford it. This to me was the holy grail of yarn.
Boyfriend bought it for me.
I was in love.
And then everything happened. Like, a near break up due to boyfriend's depression and contemplation of suicide. Boyfriend breaking ties with his dad. Boyfriend moving in.
Suddenly, the yarn was unknittable. I couldn't look at it without feeling the desperation and strain from those few months. I buried it in the yarn stash.
It's been a year and a half since then. Boyfriend and I still have ups and downs, but over all, I think things are better. He's finally going to counseling, and things are going to be alright.
So I can knit with the alpaca.
It's heaven. Total bliss.
And knitting a lace pattern really helps my anxiety, I'm discovering.
When then next two weeks are over, I predict I will have a new scarf.
Anyway.
Chocolate and alpaca lace.
What more do I need?
~Meaghan
Boyfriend has been gone for two weeks and won't be back for another two weeks. Plus, he hasn't answered his phone in like two days. So I'm a little worried. I know he's safe with family and I know this isn't like Boulder, but still.
I'm his girlfriend.
I'm also Cancer the Crab.
I get worried.
August is looking to be stressful and even though it hasn't started, I'm ready for it to be done.
School starts the 19th, but financial aid won't go through until the 8th. And since this school is different than my last college experience, I have to wait until the aid is done being processed to get my books. So I'm looking at getting my books, I.D., and RTD pass the week before school starts.
Usually, I've already bought them by now.
The 5K is coming up. I'm nervous. I've never done anything like this before. Today, I did an hour on the treadmill in preparation. I don't anticipate going super fast, but I am, based on today, expecting to be done in about an hour.
My mom's brother (who is a little out there and has recently stressed us out) is coming to visit with my cousin. My cousin and I got along beautifully the last time she was here. My uncle... I've only met him once. He and my mom only recently reconnected.
So we're all pretty stressed about that.
I was up until 3am today, trying to get the knot of panic out of my chest that had formed.
So.
Stressed.
Out.
Dad says my grandma had this saying about worry: "Worry is like a rocking chair. It only takes you back and forth, never really going anywhere."
So true.
My anxiety combating skills are coming into play at this point.
I'm going to school with my sister tomorrow to find my classes and buildings.
One day at a time.
Today, after I finish this post, I intend to knit and relax.
This involves really good dark chocolate with raspberries in it and baby alpaca, knit into lace.
The yarn is awesome. When boyfriend was at Boulder, before his depression worsened and all the bad stuff happened, I went to visit him for a weekend. It was lovely. We slept in, ate pasta and ice cream at the Pearl Street mall, watched movies all night, and just generally relaxed.
While we were there, we went to a yarn store. I found this beautiful Alpaca Lace by Cascade Yarn in blues and greens. I had always wanted to try alpaca yarn, but usually couldn't afford it. This to me was the holy grail of yarn.
Boyfriend bought it for me.
I was in love.
And then everything happened. Like, a near break up due to boyfriend's depression and contemplation of suicide. Boyfriend breaking ties with his dad. Boyfriend moving in.
Suddenly, the yarn was unknittable. I couldn't look at it without feeling the desperation and strain from those few months. I buried it in the yarn stash.
It's been a year and a half since then. Boyfriend and I still have ups and downs, but over all, I think things are better. He's finally going to counseling, and things are going to be alright.
So I can knit with the alpaca.
It's heaven. Total bliss.
And knitting a lace pattern really helps my anxiety, I'm discovering.
When then next two weeks are over, I predict I will have a new scarf.
Anyway.
Chocolate and alpaca lace.
What more do I need?
~Meaghan
Thursday, July 18, 2013
In Which Pain Makes Me More Random Than Usual
Hi there, my dear readers.
As I am typing this to you, I am suffering a serious migraine. Why am I not in bed? I can hear you asking.
Well....technically, I am in bed, but that's besides the point.
I have way too much on my mind for sleep at the moment. The pain is better than it was earlier this evening, so I can actually see straight, and I decided to take advantage of that fact.
Why do I have a migraine?
First off, my birthday was Monday and I decided to live it up. Saturday night out drinking with a friend (both alcohol and coconut in large quantities are triggers for me, which I didn't think about at the time - oh Malibu Rum, how I love and hate you...), Monday I spent most of the day with Boyfriend (IHOP, yarn and book shopping, a trip to school for his therapy appointment - more on that later), and dinner Monday night with the family at Red Lobster (we don't get to go very often, so I had lobster and crab and shrimp, all of which are triggers in large quantities).
(It was a great birthday, and I have no regrets. The people in my life are absolutely amazing and I am incredibly cared for, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Best birthday in a long time. :D)
Factor in stress for a moment here. Boyfriend has been suffering from untreated depression for a while now, and I may or may not have done some drastic things on last Thursday to try to get him to show something - anything. And we may or may not have had to work through things over the weekend to get him help and to help us be on good terms. (Which we are. And before you say anything, I did make an appointment with my therapist to discuss everything. She is amazing.)
(And yeah, I know you can't help people until they realize they need help. I was that way. My sister was that way when she landed in the hospital. As a former cutter and someone who deals with anxiety and depression, I get it. It does not make it any less hard or less stressful.)
Now let's factor in my chocolate addition. And the fact that there's salt on everything. And that Boyfriend has been out of town since Tuesday and won't be back until the Wed before school starts for us. I miss him like crazy and it's only been two days...
Plus Colorado weather changes. Let's never forget Monsoon Season, lol.
So yeah. Migraine party. Still, I have no regrets. I do think I'll try to keep a better eye on my triggers though. Cause really, this sucks.
In other news, I haven't trained all week for my 5K. I'm only a little nervous, you know?
And by a little, I mean a lot.
Last time I got on the treadmill (which was last Wed), I could almost do a 17 minute mile. I know that's not the greatest, but for me that is huge. Goal: 15 minute mile or less by August 17th, the day of the race. I feel like I should be able to do it.
Also, I am so ready to go back to school. I feel like science and teaching is really where I'm supposed to be. The writing was a nice detour - I met some interesting people, learned some cool stuff, met my boyfriend via zombies during it - but not what I want to do forever. I know teaching high school science will be hard, but I feel so strongly towards it. It was originally what I went to community college for anyway, an Associates of Science to get my foot in the door.
(Forgive me if I've already talked about adding on the teaching certificate, I am pretty doped up on pain meds at the moment. Like, earlier today, I tried unlocking the apartment door with the post office key. Mom and sis just kind of laughed...)
Honestly, if I can make a difference in one kid's life, I will be happy. And if teaching doesn't pan out, I still have my writing and my Environmental Science main degree to fall back on.
BTW, does anyone else think it's funny that this was supposed to be a yarn blog and it's become an everything-except-the-kitchen-sink thing instead?
Yeah. That's my cue to try sleep again.
Hang tight, dear readers. I'm sure there will be more excitement coming soon.
~Meaghan
As I am typing this to you, I am suffering a serious migraine. Why am I not in bed? I can hear you asking.
Well....technically, I am in bed, but that's besides the point.
I have way too much on my mind for sleep at the moment. The pain is better than it was earlier this evening, so I can actually see straight, and I decided to take advantage of that fact.
Why do I have a migraine?
First off, my birthday was Monday and I decided to live it up. Saturday night out drinking with a friend (both alcohol and coconut in large quantities are triggers for me, which I didn't think about at the time - oh Malibu Rum, how I love and hate you...), Monday I spent most of the day with Boyfriend (IHOP, yarn and book shopping, a trip to school for his therapy appointment - more on that later), and dinner Monday night with the family at Red Lobster (we don't get to go very often, so I had lobster and crab and shrimp, all of which are triggers in large quantities).
(It was a great birthday, and I have no regrets. The people in my life are absolutely amazing and I am incredibly cared for, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Best birthday in a long time. :D)
Factor in stress for a moment here. Boyfriend has been suffering from untreated depression for a while now, and I may or may not have done some drastic things on last Thursday to try to get him to show something - anything. And we may or may not have had to work through things over the weekend to get him help and to help us be on good terms. (Which we are. And before you say anything, I did make an appointment with my therapist to discuss everything. She is amazing.)
(And yeah, I know you can't help people until they realize they need help. I was that way. My sister was that way when she landed in the hospital. As a former cutter and someone who deals with anxiety and depression, I get it. It does not make it any less hard or less stressful.)
Now let's factor in my chocolate addition. And the fact that there's salt on everything. And that Boyfriend has been out of town since Tuesday and won't be back until the Wed before school starts for us. I miss him like crazy and it's only been two days...
Plus Colorado weather changes. Let's never forget Monsoon Season, lol.
So yeah. Migraine party. Still, I have no regrets. I do think I'll try to keep a better eye on my triggers though. Cause really, this sucks.
In other news, I haven't trained all week for my 5K. I'm only a little nervous, you know?
And by a little, I mean a lot.
Last time I got on the treadmill (which was last Wed), I could almost do a 17 minute mile. I know that's not the greatest, but for me that is huge. Goal: 15 minute mile or less by August 17th, the day of the race. I feel like I should be able to do it.
Also, I am so ready to go back to school. I feel like science and teaching is really where I'm supposed to be. The writing was a nice detour - I met some interesting people, learned some cool stuff, met my boyfriend via zombies during it - but not what I want to do forever. I know teaching high school science will be hard, but I feel so strongly towards it. It was originally what I went to community college for anyway, an Associates of Science to get my foot in the door.
(Forgive me if I've already talked about adding on the teaching certificate, I am pretty doped up on pain meds at the moment. Like, earlier today, I tried unlocking the apartment door with the post office key. Mom and sis just kind of laughed...)
Honestly, if I can make a difference in one kid's life, I will be happy. And if teaching doesn't pan out, I still have my writing and my Environmental Science main degree to fall back on.
BTW, does anyone else think it's funny that this was supposed to be a yarn blog and it's become an everything-except-the-kitchen-sink thing instead?
Yeah. That's my cue to try sleep again.
Hang tight, dear readers. I'm sure there will be more excitement coming soon.
~Meaghan
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Everything in One
Hi there.
I didn't mean to leave you hanging, my dear, sweet readers. I know it's been almost two months since I last posted. I know that saying I've been busy is no excuse, either.
I've decided to revamp this blog a bit. It can't be just about knitting. I love knitting, I love yarn - but there's more to me than that. And I don't want to write if I feel I can't include all those other parts of me.
So this blog is now everything in one. Kinda like an everything bagel with cream cheese. :) I do hope we can start again, my readers.
You're probably having some questions and thoughts right now:
Meaghan, where have you been?
What have you been up to?
Yay, you aren't dead!
(I could be exaggerating, of course, but I choose to believe you're happy I'm alive.)
I can't remember where my last post left off, so forgive me if I seem redundant.
Let's see...
I'm enrolled to go back to school in the fall. I'm an Environmental Science major with an emphasis in Ecological Restoration. It seems like a far cry from my associates in Creative Writing, but I think the two will go hand in hand nicely. I'm hoping I can get a job with the EPA doing field work, or some other government position. I don't think I want desk work. I think I want to be out in the middle of it all.
I'm pretty excited about school. I like to read, I like to write, and I like to learn. I even like math and stuff, if you'll believe that.
(Which is good, cause I have to take a lot of Bio, Chem, and Statistics...)
Found out I'm going to be out of a job come May. As you may recall, I'm that awesome chick at the grocery store who trys to get you to try new products and stuff. Well. My boss was fired two weeks ago and emailed us; turns out, the company lost the contract with our major client, Kroger, as of May first.
(I feel like I should be more worried about discussing this, but what are they going to do, fire me? Come on.)
With the support of my family and boyfriend, I've decided not to pursue another job elsewhere. I mean, after the fall semester, I'm going to probably be taking 18 credit hours. And those are all going to be science classes. It feels weird, especially since money is tight for all of us in this little family unit. But I know God will provide.
My sister has decided to pursue opera. She has dreams of heading to New York and singing on a stage. There's a lot of musical talent in our family; she has everything she needs - talent, drive, and passion. I know she's going to light up the stages when she gets there. :)
My boyfriend is doing really well, too. It makes me happy. We've had a few rough patches the past month, but show me a relationship that hasn't. We're working on communication. The goal is to be able to get our own apartment shortly after we graduate with our respective degrees; then at some point, wedding bells will be chiming.
I'm not in as big of a hurry as I thought I was for that. I love Trev more than anyone in the world; but what we have is special and in both our minds, we're already married. We treat each other as equals, we respect and care for each other, we've stayed strong through some serious, serious crap. I think the wedding is just a formality. Don't get me wrong: I very much look forward to the day I become his offical wife. It's just, I'm not in a rush. I'm enjoying each day at a time. :)
This past week, I've been doing nothing but watch Numb3rs and knit on my sister's Doctor Who scarf. The project may be boring and tedious and painful, but it makes great knitting for watching television. And by watching Numb3rs via DVDs from the library, I don't have to deal with commercials, which is really nice.
(I have three favorite television shows: Numb3rs, which went off the air a few years ago, Bones, and CSI:NY, which I'm pretty sure isn't going to get signed for another season. Why do I like these shows? Because they're intelligent television. There's humor, there's science and math, there are great characters with great love lives that I actually can get behind. What can I say? My film class instructor last year said great script writers are moving towards television; I agree with him.)
I've also caved and joined Instagram. Look for me as birdietheknitter. If that doesn't work, let me know. I'm still on Twitter as well, under Birdgirl90. :)
Oh! So, a lot of you don't know this, but I was put on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication about two years ago for panic attacks. Well, I'm in an awesome place now and am in the process of getting off it. Sure, I am having some side effects - insomnia, hyperness, etc. But those are the same as when I went on it.
And I feel lighter. I feel less paranoid and sad and upset and worried. I feel like this weight has been lifted. :) I'm so very happy about it, I could do a dance.
Except I won't. Because it's, you know, 12:06 am.
Which means I should go to bed. But I just really wanted everyone to know I'm alive, I haven't forgotten you, and I'm back.
Welcome to a little bit of everything. I'm happy you're on this journey with me. :)
~Meaghan
I didn't mean to leave you hanging, my dear, sweet readers. I know it's been almost two months since I last posted. I know that saying I've been busy is no excuse, either.
I've decided to revamp this blog a bit. It can't be just about knitting. I love knitting, I love yarn - but there's more to me than that. And I don't want to write if I feel I can't include all those other parts of me.
So this blog is now everything in one. Kinda like an everything bagel with cream cheese. :) I do hope we can start again, my readers.
You're probably having some questions and thoughts right now:
Meaghan, where have you been?
What have you been up to?
Yay, you aren't dead!
(I could be exaggerating, of course, but I choose to believe you're happy I'm alive.)
I can't remember where my last post left off, so forgive me if I seem redundant.
Let's see...
I'm enrolled to go back to school in the fall. I'm an Environmental Science major with an emphasis in Ecological Restoration. It seems like a far cry from my associates in Creative Writing, but I think the two will go hand in hand nicely. I'm hoping I can get a job with the EPA doing field work, or some other government position. I don't think I want desk work. I think I want to be out in the middle of it all.
I'm pretty excited about school. I like to read, I like to write, and I like to learn. I even like math and stuff, if you'll believe that.
(Which is good, cause I have to take a lot of Bio, Chem, and Statistics...)
Found out I'm going to be out of a job come May. As you may recall, I'm that awesome chick at the grocery store who trys to get you to try new products and stuff. Well. My boss was fired two weeks ago and emailed us; turns out, the company lost the contract with our major client, Kroger, as of May first.
(I feel like I should be more worried about discussing this, but what are they going to do, fire me? Come on.)
With the support of my family and boyfriend, I've decided not to pursue another job elsewhere. I mean, after the fall semester, I'm going to probably be taking 18 credit hours. And those are all going to be science classes. It feels weird, especially since money is tight for all of us in this little family unit. But I know God will provide.
My sister has decided to pursue opera. She has dreams of heading to New York and singing on a stage. There's a lot of musical talent in our family; she has everything she needs - talent, drive, and passion. I know she's going to light up the stages when she gets there. :)
My boyfriend is doing really well, too. It makes me happy. We've had a few rough patches the past month, but show me a relationship that hasn't. We're working on communication. The goal is to be able to get our own apartment shortly after we graduate with our respective degrees; then at some point, wedding bells will be chiming.
I'm not in as big of a hurry as I thought I was for that. I love Trev more than anyone in the world; but what we have is special and in both our minds, we're already married. We treat each other as equals, we respect and care for each other, we've stayed strong through some serious, serious crap. I think the wedding is just a formality. Don't get me wrong: I very much look forward to the day I become his offical wife. It's just, I'm not in a rush. I'm enjoying each day at a time. :)
This past week, I've been doing nothing but watch Numb3rs and knit on my sister's Doctor Who scarf. The project may be boring and tedious and painful, but it makes great knitting for watching television. And by watching Numb3rs via DVDs from the library, I don't have to deal with commercials, which is really nice.
(I have three favorite television shows: Numb3rs, which went off the air a few years ago, Bones, and CSI:NY, which I'm pretty sure isn't going to get signed for another season. Why do I like these shows? Because they're intelligent television. There's humor, there's science and math, there are great characters with great love lives that I actually can get behind. What can I say? My film class instructor last year said great script writers are moving towards television; I agree with him.)
I've also caved and joined Instagram. Look for me as birdietheknitter. If that doesn't work, let me know. I'm still on Twitter as well, under Birdgirl90. :)
Oh! So, a lot of you don't know this, but I was put on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication about two years ago for panic attacks. Well, I'm in an awesome place now and am in the process of getting off it. Sure, I am having some side effects - insomnia, hyperness, etc. But those are the same as when I went on it.
And I feel lighter. I feel less paranoid and sad and upset and worried. I feel like this weight has been lifted. :) I'm so very happy about it, I could do a dance.
Except I won't. Because it's, you know, 12:06 am.
Which means I should go to bed. But I just really wanted everyone to know I'm alive, I haven't forgotten you, and I'm back.
Welcome to a little bit of everything. I'm happy you're on this journey with me. :)
~Meaghan
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The Letter of the Day - S
Snow.
Socks. (Finally finished. :D )
Scarf. (The Doctor Who has begun.)
Also, a shoutout to Trevor, who turns 22 today. He is the most wonderful man and I am so blessed to be spending my life with him. I love you, handsome. :)
~Birdie
Socks. (Finally finished. :D )
Scarf. (The Doctor Who has begun.)
Also, a shoutout to Trevor, who turns 22 today. He is the most wonderful man and I am so blessed to be spending my life with him. I love you, handsome. :)
~Birdie
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Saturday Recap #1
Hello and welcome to our first Saturday Recap where I go through the week in terms of family, knitting, and life. :)
So, this week I had the unfortunate favor of catching a stomach bug. For the most part it's gone. So don't worry.
Work has been going pretty smoothly. I'm doing Crystal Light Liquid, which is very similar to Mio water enhancer, only not as sweet. It comes in really fun colors and makes me want to knit things in the electric blue and neon orange.
My sister started school this week. It's strange being the one taking her to school instead of being the one taken to school. I'm super proud of her for taking everything in her stride and making it. :) She's the best little sister ever and I could not be happier to be her big sissy. :3
Project wise this has been a pretty good week as well. I started a slouchie beanie.
And worked some more on my socks. Hopefully those will be done today.
Maybe tomorrow...
I got 50 yards or so of some beautiful homespun, dyed by Kristine.
And I have a little bit left to spin and ply.
The yarn for Katie's Doctor Who Scarf came in with the exception of the Saddle Tan.
I love the names of the yarn. Spiced Plum, anyone?
And in the next week, the love my life turns 22.
Isn't he cute when he's sleeping?? I would knit him something, but he doesn't really wear or use a lot of knitted items. Instead, I think I'm going to get him some movies...
Have a wonderful weekend, my readers, and enjoy life today!
~Birdie
So, this week I had the unfortunate favor of catching a stomach bug. For the most part it's gone. So don't worry.
Work has been going pretty smoothly. I'm doing Crystal Light Liquid, which is very similar to Mio water enhancer, only not as sweet. It comes in really fun colors and makes me want to knit things in the electric blue and neon orange.
My sister started school this week. It's strange being the one taking her to school instead of being the one taken to school. I'm super proud of her for taking everything in her stride and making it. :) She's the best little sister ever and I could not be happier to be her big sissy. :3
Project wise this has been a pretty good week as well. I started a slouchie beanie.
And worked some more on my socks. Hopefully those will be done today.
I got 50 yards or so of some beautiful homespun, dyed by Kristine.
And I have a little bit left to spin and ply.
The yarn for Katie's Doctor Who Scarf came in with the exception of the Saddle Tan.
I love the names of the yarn. Spiced Plum, anyone?
And in the next week, the love my life turns 22.
Isn't he cute when he's sleeping?? I would knit him something, but he doesn't really wear or use a lot of knitted items. Instead, I think I'm going to get him some movies...
Have a wonderful weekend, my readers, and enjoy life today!
~Birdie
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